I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
