these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
