so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
