A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
