do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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