The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
tell me about the eggs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize