How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
