How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
