my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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