Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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