So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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