Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
