i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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