I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
