Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
