he wants to bone in the snuggie
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
