I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
