I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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