Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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