I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
