no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
