I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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