I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
