I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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