ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
