I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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