i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
