Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize