yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
