i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
