drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
