I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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