Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
