when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize