It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
