a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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