some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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