Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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