I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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