Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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