i jhust puked up my retainher.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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