Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
