This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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