dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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