You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
