i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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