my phone needs a breathalizer
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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