So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
