What a fucking waste of an outfit
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
