she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
