Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
