I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
