we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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