Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
