I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
