i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
