Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
