Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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