Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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