I'm eating all of the evidence.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize