We won't sleep together?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
