i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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