Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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