Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
