True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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